A reflex is packed with a lot of things. Everything happens in an instant, without warning and without guarantee. This is a quick and often surprising event. We have several instinctive reflexes (sneezing, coughing, blinking, etc.) and others that are conditioned with time (not inherited, caused by an external stimulus). These can be trained, forged, by continuously repeating a scenario. We seek to obtain an accurate response in a given situation. As team member, coach, manager or any other person having to interact with others, we are confronted with reflexes. This is a topic I want to share in order to better understand it and be able to develop them according to our expectations.
Take for example, one of my Saturday morning runs. While I was running, my right foot got stuck while the left one kept going. The unbalance was assured. I was going too fast to regain balance; the fall was inevitable. I saw myself falling on the face. In the tenth of a second later, my body was automatically positioned in the same way I always do at the dojo.
Fall? No. Roll, yes!
A moment later, I am on my feet in a fighting position. Quick inspection: no pain, just a small scratch on one leg; that’s negligible. I pick up my cap and I resume running.
In this situation, 3 distinct stages occurred: the sensory input, the processing, and the motor output. There is a parallel to do with my aikido training, which is essentially the same approach, and it can be applied to conversations:
| The roll | The conversation | |
| Dodging |
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| Unbalance |
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| Technique |
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There is no guarantee that it will work every time. It is possible to use multiple dodging and work harder to unbalance the person before you get to perform your technique. It may require multiple exchanges before it is comfortable to execute the technique. Get there gradually. It’s a bit like getting several belts before reaching the black one. The important thing is to commit ourselves in multiple conversations at various levels in order to respond as we wish. We seek to train the wanted reflex in multiple situations, because each conversation is unique.
While learning, we must listen, take notes, and see how we could have done better. In this way, at the next dodge, you will remember it and implement it. Tell your relatives about the reflex you are trying to develop. They can help you catch yourself and tell you in the moment. Sue Johnston and Andrew Annett propose communication katas (Agile Tour Montréal 2013) to practice and develop such conversational reflexes. Another good reflex is to use your password to constantly remind you of your goal.
A reflex is not to immunize us. It helps us manage a majority of similar situations. Physical or mental, reflexes occur at the moment for which we have trained and at the level of effort we have deployed in order to gain it.
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